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| Some Days You Just Can't Get Rid Of A Bomb |
My back hurt, my legs hurt, my knees hurt, everything hurt.
I guess that is the the beauty, or perhaps the curse, of aiming to do a big ride some time in the future.
You have got to get out there and keep the preparation going or you will fall flat on your face.
Fail to prepare. Prepare to fail.
I needed to get back on the horse or the bike and get on with it.
Seventy miles.
That was the target for a ride now according to the training plan that I have never written down or articulated at all in this blog ( or T.P.T.I.H.N.W.D.O.A.A.A.I.T.B for short )
The club ride on Sunday was a 44 mile ride in the flat lands to the East of Hull doing a clockwise circular route through Withernsea and Sunk Island. The start was at the Swiss Cottage pub in Bilton which was a 26 mile round trip from Barton.
You do the math.
OK I'll do it then 26 + 44 = 70 miles. Looked ideal and most importantly it was flat. Thank god it was flat ! I never wanted to see another hill again.
The night before Annette and I went to the cinema to watch the latest Avengers movie. I like a decent superhero movie. This was a little too daft for me.
I am prepared to believe there is a god like being from another world wielding an impossibly heavy hammer.
I am prepared to believe that there is a superhuman soldier brought about by experimentation.
And, I am even prepared to believe that there is a billionaire arms dealer who rocks up in a flying iron suit.
But an individual formed by a 3 D printer as part of the evil plans of an artificial intelligence brought to life by a lightning bolt from Thor's hammer and called The Vision ? And played by Paul Bettany?
No come on that's a little bit too silly for me.
What next ? Batman on a bike !?
THE ROUTE
I arranged to meet Steve on the south side of the Humber Bridge at 8 am. I had done this ride once before to Swiss Cottage and arrived late missing the start of the ride. I didn't fancy a ball breaking effort to catch up so suggested we meet at 8 am which was a bit on the early side.
The weather was quite warm and Steve was displaying his tattoos. If I got a bit bored doing 70 miles at least I had something to read.
Traffic was light going through Hull on a Sunday. One individual felt we were in the way and decided to sound his horn at us. Another brain surgeon on the way to an emergency operation no doubt.
No hang on he was a taxi driver. He must have been the patient then on his way to have a brain actually put in.
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| Steve Looks Quizzically At Our Impatient Friend |
The fact that there was no oncoming traffic for as far as the eye could see and he could just overtake us without any delay to his morning whatsoever didn't seem to register with the chap.
A hundred yards up the road he had to stop anyway because of traffic lights.
I could have told him he was a plonker if I wanted .....but I wasn't that upset about it.
When we got onto Holderness Road I had to tell Steve to slow down or we would be there far too early.
"Who's idea was it to start so bloody early ?! " I said.
When we got to Swiss Cottage Steve sat down and had a fag. Legend.
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| Steve Has Finished His Fag - Let's Go ! |
DID YOU JUST SEE THAT ?
Once we had waited for everyone to congregate we set off on the ride and almost straight away came the most talked about moment of the ride.
Well the most talked about by me.
Heading out of Bilton we could see another rider coming in the other direction.
It was Batman in full costume including leotard, cape, utility belt and mask.
You may be reading that last sentence again to check what it said. Yes you read it correctly and it is totally accurate. I wish I had photographic evidence to show you but I had just turned my camera off so I missed it !
The most surreal part was when he passed us. Whenever you pass another cyclist coming in the opposite direction you will normally get a nod of acknowledgement. One cyclist to another.
And so it was with Batman. A courteous nod.
"Morning "
I wonder what that guy's story was ?
BACK TO REALITY
So leaving Bilton we turned left on Lelley Road and went by Lelley itself, Burton Pidsea and Roos.
Lovely lovely flat and gently undulating countryside.
Dave was on a bit of a mission being on the front or close to the front for a lot of the time.
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| Dave On A Mission |
I like to be helpful but it seems my judging of the right pace for the group is still suspect.
"Alan can you slow down a bit as you seem to have decimated the group "
I was aiming for helpful and hit decimate.
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| Public Toilets At Patrington |
Not very salubrious but very convenient (pun intended)
After Patrington was the loop down to Sunk Island and then back up to Thorngumbald. Up to press the pace had been steady and enjoyable.
BATTLE FOR THE TITLE " FASTEST MIDDLE AGED MAN ON THIS RIDE"
We nearly got as far as Thorngumbald before someone had to go and spoil it all by upping the pace and giving it a thrash thus drawing out the unhealthy competitive streak of others.
And who was it who kicked it all off ? No it wasn't me. It was Steve.
Andy and Phil C were at the front and I was just behind. Steve rocked up on my right and you could tell he wanted to get past. It was a narrow road though and he would have to pick his moment carefully.
The moment presented itself and off he went past Andy and Phil. I had not yet read all of Steve's tattoos and needed to keep close to finish his left arm. That is why I went after him and for no other reason.
Once I caught up with him I thought oh well in for a penny in for a pound and I gave it the beans as well.
" No one's coming past me " I thought.
Something came into my peripheral vision on the right. Then there was a blur of permatan legs and Gary came sprinting past. Epic. I got back on his wheel. Just.
Then there was a tight left hander which would require good bike handling skills to get round quickly.
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| Gary's Second Sprint Of The Day - Caught on Camera ! |
Consequently I slowed down as I do not possess good bike handling skills.
By the time we got to the outskirts of Thorngumbald that first little sprint had petered out and sanity was restored.
I had some bad news for Gary though.
He had joked for a while that he never got to feature on photographs or video even though he was pulling off legendary feats of cycling (his words).
His sprint into Thorngumbald had not been recorded as my camera was off at the time.
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| Phil C Comes Past |
The genie was out of the bottle though and the next thrash was only a couple of miles down the road on the approach to Paull.
This time the event was captured for posterity.
Once again Gary came tanking past me like David Dickinson on EPO and this time I managed to stick on his wheel.
I got delusions of grandeur and went for the pass.
This resulted in me dying on my arse and Phil C whizzing past seemingly effortlessly.
As we rolled out of Preston I was rather hoping that was going to be the end of the competitive stuff.
The road from Preston to Bilton however is very inviting and could well tempt somebody to go for a blast back into Bilton.
People would normally crack and go for it about half way back to Bilton. Nobody would ever have a go all the way from Preston itself , that was too far, that would be nuts.. ...what's Phil doing ?
Phil A came past and went to the front. He was moving smoothly and quickly and a gap developed between him and the main group. He was going for it.
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| Phil A Making History |
Should I try and catch him up ?
It was going to hurt if I tried but I had to decide quickly otherwise he would be gone. Let's give it a go.
I dropped down a few gears and pedalled like billio to start accelerating and then back up a few gears to maintain the speed.
I got up to his back wheel. This was fast. Surely he wasn't going to keep this up all the way to Bilton ?
After 2 minutes or so the intensity had not dropped. Oh shit he is going to keep this up all the way to Bilton. I could well be in over my head here.
I hung on and hung on wishing that God may move Bilton considerably closer to Preston. It was a long shot I know.
Phil was in front for the vast majority of the stretch to Bilton. As we got to the outskirts my mind started writing cheques my body couldn't cash and I decided to do a bit in front. After a short while Phil was in front again. That was pretty embarrassing.
The finish at Swiss Cottage couldn't come soon enough and at last it was over.
Alex Dowsett may have just broken the one hour world record but that was as nothing compared to the superhuman effort put in by Phil. He had just bagged the 3rd fastest time ever on the Preston to Bilton Strava segment. That's ...ever !
Put that in your pipe Alex Dowsett and smoke it !
If you want to see history in the making then the unedited video is just below.
Another achievement on the ride was Dave getting a personal milestone of an average speed of 17mph over 46 miles. Well done mate. That explains why he was on the front so much.
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| Dave and Gary At The End Of The Club Ride. |
BACK TO THE BAT CAVE NOT SOUTH CAVE
I rode back through Hull with Steve, Mark and Phil A and then finally back to Barton with just Steve.
As we rode back over the Humber Bridge we were like the caped crusaders themselves returning to the Bat Cave after a hard day crime fighting.
I love the Adam West Batman. Some of the best quotes in film and television history.
" Hand me down the shark repellent bat spray " I said to Steve
" What ? "
"It's sometimes difficult to think clearly when you are strapped to a printing press ! "
" What are you on about ? "
"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb ! "
OK non of that actually happened.
But what did happen as we rolled across the bridge was my Garmin ticked over to read 70 miles.
KAPOW !!
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